Commodores in no place to question Kiffin

On Nov. 12, The Vanderbilt Hustler, the student newspaper of the Commodores, ran a column titled “A new kind of ranking in the SEC: Douchiness,” which ranks UT head coach Lane Kiffin as the “douchiest” coach in the SEC “by a landslide.”

The column goes on further with a pathetic attempt to prove this point, writing their ranking is proven because Kiffin coaches at Tennessee, which “inherently makes him a douche,” and continues to call out coaches for recruiting violations while committing some of his own.

We would like to take on the face of the UT student body with this response: Really?

While we are tempted to give The Hustler and the gaggle of Screech Powers wannabes that call themselves the Vanderbilt student body a Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams-like response, we will retain our ethics as journalists and simply point out the facts.

The Vanderbilt Commodores are 2-9 and winless in the SEC. Also Vandy is 108th out of 120 FBS teams in

total offense, behind such teams as Western Kentucky and Ohio, whom the Vols beat by a combined score of 97-30.

These numbers alone are enough to say that Vanderbilt has no credence to speak on sports, but here are a few more Vandy national rankings:

• 114th in scoring offense

• tied for 10th in interceptions thrown with 11

• 108th in red-zone efficency

What has Vanderbilt, who has beaten UT only once in 26 tries, ever done to even be allowed to talk about football?

As for Kiffin’s so-called “douchiness,” an analysis of what Kiffin and his staff have accomplished would easily justify Kiffin’s mannerisms. Last season the Vols ranked 10th nationally in recruiting, according to Rivals.com, after only three weeks to recruit with a full staff. For the upcoming class, Kiffin has garnered a ranking of seventh, and the Vols remain on the short list of many of the nation’s top recruits. Based on these numbers, Kiffin’s “douchiness” has resulted in successful recruiting classes.

Upon further analysis, Vanderbilt finds itself at 68th. Granted, it may be harder to recruit quality players with a nerd populous and no athletic department to speak of, but the future doesn’t look very bright. But don’t worry; we are sure Kiffin and his staff would be happy to provide lessons on recruiting.

And why would Kiffin’s staff do this for an in-state rival? Well it is simply what a big brother does for a little brother because obviously Vandy has a case of little-brother symdrome. They want, so much, to be like Volunteers, with their swagger and playboy reputation, but unfortunately for Vandy, that can’t be found in a textbook.

The only accurate statement in the entire column may be about their own coach, Bobby Johnson, saying he is “classiest coach in the SEC.” While we do not know him personally, Johnson has the respect of many as a quality coach but has no players to play with. Besides, what is he going to say? Maybe something like, “Yeah, we don’t belong in the SEC, but our academics are better than yours,” or “At least we provide the doormat on which the rest of the SEC wipes its cleats.”

The entire story indicates one thing: jealously.

The Commodores are obviously jealous that Kiffin and the Volunteer “Power T” dominate television both locally and nationally. Maybe the “Commodorks” should have paid more attention to Jay-Z during last Friday’s concert in Nashville and recognize who runs this town, or in this case, state. We’ll give you a hint ... they don’t wear black and gold.

With all of these facts in place, it is still astounding to think The Hustler would allow a columnist to publish such a piece, especially with its lack of proper Associated Press style. It’s similar to a 135-pound man (we’ll call him Screech in honor of Vandy) approaching Kimbo Slice and punching him in the face. As much as Vandy would like for a rivalry to exist, it’s not much of a blow to the Tennessee student body. As the ‘dores sit in their rooms and watch helplessly this Saturday, Kiffin can strut his “douchiness” as our little brother Vandy is put back in its place.

We would like to end this column with a word of advice to Coach Kiffin directly: Take this issue, roll it up and be sure to smack Vandy on the nose with it. Sometimes a little dog with a big bark needs to be smacked down to size.

Still want to talk football, Vandy? ... On second thought, scratch that. Come talk to us when you know something about it.