‘Friday’ disappoints again as horror movie

“Friday the 13th” has all the elements of any other usual Jason horror movie: sex, drugs, topless women, predictable scares and a few repulsive hillbillies thrown into the melting pot of a typical Camp Crystal Lake killing spree. The only difference is the fact that it seems to be making fun of itself.

The first few minutes of the movie are basically the summary of any “Friday the 13th” movie. A group of people, most likely college students, are camping near Camp Crystal Lake. There’s the nice couple with some type of issue or crisis, the horny couple and the random odd ball. Within minutes, the careless group is slaughtered by Jason (Derek Mears). Wendy (Amanda Righetti) was unfortunately part of that group.

Now her older brother, Clay (Jared Padalecki), is looking for the truth about his sister’s disappearance. During his search, he runs into another group of college students, consisting of the same typical stereotypes, who are attempting to have an enjoyable time by the lake in their cabin. The area is, of course, a dead zone to any and all cell phones, which makes anyone wonder, “Why hasn’t anyone decided to fix this type of problem?”

Also, the cabin itself has enough windows to basically be a fish bowl, which is quite convenient for any psycho killers who need to observe their prey squirm as they await their gruesome fate. The only helpful person from this new herd of sheep heading for the slaughter is Jenna (Danielle Panabaker).

The only new approach in the movie is how Jason decides to take his newest batch of pathetic, irritatingly dense victims: whether it’s by roasting them, shots in the head with an arrow, use of bear traps, his trusty machete or just anything that might be practical at that certain point and time.

Many may be trying to find a decent horror flick within “Friday the 13th,” but their efforts will be futile. Actually, the movie came on more comical than scary. Many of the characters walking off and mistakenly stating, “I’ll be back in a minute,” are met with a painfully obvious end. The usual rule of “If you don’t see a person’s gruesome death, then they’re probably not dead,” also applies to the movie.

The question remains: Did the creators intend for the movie to be so obvious to the point of mass hysteria, or did they decide to fork out a couple of dollars and try to make everyone believe that finally a decent horror movie has emerged from beyond the grave? The creators may be applauded for trying to poke fun at themselves and the ridiculous notion of certain moments actually being frightful. There is one line in the entire movie that basically sums it up. Spoken by the character Chewie (Aaron Yoo), who by far had the most humorous encounter with Jason, he simply says, “Let’s just be one big, happy cliché.”

Well, Chewie, you got your wish.