Half Past Dead deserves death penalty

More than a handful of films have been based on the infamous island-prison Alcatraz, and generally the plot is always the same - break out, swim to safety. The same advice should be invoked on Steven Seagal's acting career. His new movie, Half Past Dead, takes a different twist on the prison tale, but unfortunately for the action star, nothing is new about the rest the film. Sascha Petrosevitch (Seagal) is part of the first set of inductees in New Alcatraz, a new state-of-the-art prison under construction on the former Alcatraz site. The difference between Sascha and his fellow inmates is that he is there voluntarily. He is part of an FBI sting operation to bring down an international car-theft ring. Sascha is trying to gain the trust of fellow inmate Nick Frazier (Ja Rule). Nick is a close friend of the crime boss the FBI hopes to catch. Interrupting Sascha's plans are a group of highly armed criminals who infiltrate the island intending to stop the prison's first execution. Sonny Ekvall (Richard Bremmer), the man on death row, stole $200 million from the U.S. Treasury department and won't tell anyone where he hid the loot. The appropriately named 49ers want the money and hold the entire prison hostage in an attempt to get Ekvall to talk. Conveniently for the crooks, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court is on hand to watch the execution. With the Chief Justice in danger, Sascha and the other inmates try to save the day. If the plot seems hard to follow, or to believe, don't feel bad because it's actually worse on screen. Already with the burden of a horrible cast, Half Past Dead didn't help itself with a sloppy storyline. Nothing in the movie is cohesive or logical. As for the cast, the credits look like the listing for a rap video, with music-makers Ja Rule and Kurupt to name a few. Not that rappers make bad actors (i.e. Will Smith, Eminem), but Ja Rule should stick to cameos instead of wasting his time in lead roles. Sympathy for Seagal should be given, as the overweight, overdone former action star strains to make an impact in this role. At no point does Sascha resemble the Seagal of old. The truly sad part of the film is that it seems to take itself seriously at times but has neither the direction nor the formula for a good action movie. Explosions and gunfire don't always add up to meaningful action, which this film seems to forget. For quality naptime, go see Half Past Dead. Half Past Dead is playing at Cinemark's Tinseltown, Farragut Towne Square, Foothills 12, Halls Cinema 7, Knoxville Center and Wynnsong 16. Rating: (a very generous) F