Weak Universal Soldier needs serious plot work

Jean-Claude Van Damme is back, and at the dollar theater already, in Universal Soldier: The Return, an action-packed, low-budget sequel to Universal Soldier.

The movie begins some years later where the first Universal Soldier left off, except this time Van Damme plays a technical expert, caring father and widower.

The government has formed a new project, raising a better breed of universal soldiers called "unisols," which are basically half-dead soldiers revived and genetically enhanced. Programmed and maintained by a super computer with human intelligence named SETH, the unisols are trained to be lean, mean, killing machines.

WCW wrestler Bill Goldberg makes his film debut as one of the leading unisols named Romeo. Goldberg is one of the few reasons to watch this movie. Despite his poor acting, Goldberg's comical remarks and terminator-esque presence lighten up the movie.

SETH becomes the evil menace in the plot when the Universal Soldier Program is scheduled to be shut down, due to government cutbacks. When SETH detects this information, he goes off line and into his own "survival mode." SETH then activates all unisols to protect him and eradicate everyone else in the facility. Predictably enough, this is when Van Damme takes on his ever-so-original role as the good guy. To make a long story short, Van Damme tries to shut down SETH while taking on all of the unisols.

Don't forget about the helpless damsel in distress. Hedi Schanz takes on the role of a television reporter caught up in the action who falls helplessly in love with Van Damme. Perhaps her best purpose was just to be looked at and create an oh-so-original love plot.

Universal Soldier: The Return looks basically like a straight-to-video, B-action movie with big explosions. With a predictable story line, a sappy love affair and an overall bad plot line, Universal Soldier: The Return leaves the audience with only three decent reasons to even consider watching it: 1) Goldberg, 2) it was one of the few action movies of the summer and 3) it's better than an Amish butter-churning festival.