‘White Noise’ receives static review

Somewhere, in a dark, dank corner of a Hollywood dungeon, an executive is laughing because he’s made a movie where people pay to watch TV snow and listen to static on the radio. He’ll pay for that one day, but until then, we the public have “White Noise” playing at the theater just down the street.

“White Noise” is based around the idea of E.V.P. (Electronic Voice Phenomenon), using the crackle of the radio and the TV static to hear and see the messages of the deceased. Unfortunately, much of “White Noise,” like the ghostly voices, doesn’t come through very well. The original idea of basing a ghost story around E.V.P. is convoluted by a completely terrible script by Niall Johnson.

In the film, Michael Keaton (turns out he isn’t dead) plays successful architect Jonathan Rivers, a man with a wife so beautiful, smart and devoted that we know she is going to die soon, as the dead wife in movies is always a saint.

When she predictably kicks, a distraught Rivers is confronted by Raymond Price (a very good Ian McNeice), a paranormal researcher who likes to deliver posthumous messages from dead loved ones “to see the looks on people’s faces.” Strange motivation.

Soon, Rivers is obsessed with E.V.P., neglecting his young son (though not his work) and spending hours staring at recorded TV snow (because, according to Price, “you need to play it back to see if you’ve got anything”).

When Rivers becomes frustrated with the slow pace of his work, he visits a psychic (in a scene that seems awkward and unnecessary) who tells him that he is “meddling” with the dead, and that they’re very unhappy.

Soon, Rivers is having “Dead Zone”-like adventures, people start dying and he keeps turning up at the scene of grisly accidents, though the idiotic police are very nice, and never suspect him.

The plot is all wrapped up with a convoluted ending that doesn’t really explain anything, but manages to be both depressing and laughable at the same time.

Of course, it isn’t all that terrible. Though the main failing of the film is the script (and it’s an enormous failure), much of “White Noise” is a well-made picture.

First-time British director Geoffrey Sax does more than decent job creating an atmosphere that is suspenseful without being overly dreary. He also sets up several scares that will legitimately make the theater collectively jump.

Keaton is a big surprise here. The former “Mr. Mom” shows a haggard and obsessive onscreen personality with a perfectly understated performance.

McNeice plays his character with buoyant good humor, and more than a pinch of denial.

Most of the problem comes from the fact that Rivers goes from hard-core skeptic to obsessive believer without any real convincing. The real lesson of “White Noise” is to remember to question things. For example, “Should I really spend $7.75 on this?” Probably not.

Grade: C-